Today is really.... complicated. Had sports fiesta. We won 1n1 in captain's ball but next round, lose to 1n2. Nvm, everybody did their best and surprisingly... we ARE VERY cooperative during the game. (Y) :D
But really.... it just takes ONE thing to destroy EVERYTHING. After the last match we played, i became damn... emo. Not because we lose the match, but because............. i saw a person whom i shouldn't have seen.


You keep telling me to leave you alone. And... i did like what you told me to. Leave you alone, don't bother or care about you. Fine, I DID WHAT YOU SAID! But... i felt so... different from others.

When you walk past, others can say "HI!", but i can't.
Others can talk to you, but i can't.
When you lost the game, others can console you, but i can't.
When you look at others, they can look back at you, smiling, but i can't.
Others can laugh with you, but i can't.
Others can look straight into your eyes, but i can't.
Others can call your name when they see you, but i can't.

Now... i cannot call you, cannot sms you, cannot comment on your fb post, cannot.... do anything. Why? Why is it that... others CAN and i CAN'T? I sat by the side... looking at you and that group of friends. They're not from your class. Sec 1s. They can talk to you like... you're their super good friend. But i can't. I kept looking and thinking... why is it that i'm so different from them when all of us are meant to be................................................ FRIENDS? That day.. you apologized for hurting me. You said you didn't meant anything. But, your... "It's better to be like this since we can't communicate well." hurts me like... so deep? I didn't do anything... just trying to console you if you're emoing. Just trying to... give you courage or anything. But it's as if... you told me to "SHUT UP AND DON'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE!" You apologized for what you've said and told me that... i'm a good friend. But now, i really doubt it. I don't think......... you meant what you said: "You're a great friend." If i am great, like what you told me, i wouldn't have been left out. If you hate me or something, you can tell me. You don't have to be like this. Now... i'm so miserable. See you, cannot say hi. See you, must avoid looking into your eyes. When you walk past, i have to pretend i didn't see you. When i heard your voice, i have to pretend it was others'. How am i going to live through that? Ever since i know you... i've totally changed. You changed me! Now.. i'm kinda... afraid to see you. You asked me before: "Do i look fierce to you?" I told you NO. But now... if you were to ask me: "Do you feel afraid seeing me?", should i say yes? Well, my afraid wasn't that type of....... scared or whatever. It's just that... i cannot do anything even when i see you. So... i very scared i might just... broke down... like how i did today... when i reached home. I almost broke down in parade square. But.... so as to not disgust myself, i've been suppressing it. For long hours. When reached home, i really couldn't take it anymore. Lixin, i told you, didn't i? I told you... if i were to go home, emoing, i would break down. So... i did. After knowing you, you made me cried 4 times. I'm counting... how many times you're hurting me. Maybe.... i'm really incompatible to be your friend. I will really...... try to distance from you, since you find that it's BEST to be like this, maybe..?
.....................................................


Fellow friends, sorry for being so emotional nowadays. I'll try to be back to my usual self, ok?

Well, this is really meaningful:

I often close my eyes and i can see you smile.
You reach out for my hand and i'm woken from my dream.
Although your heart is mine, it's hollow inside.
I never had your love and i never will.
And every night, i lie awake,
Thinking maybe you love me like i've always loved you.
But how can you love me like i loved you,
When you can't even look me straight in my eyes.
I've never felt this way to be so in love,
To have someone there, yet feel so alone.
Aren't you supposed to be the one to wipe my tears,
The one to say that you would never leave.
The waters calm and still, my reflection is there.
I see you holding me but then you disappear.
All that is left of you is a memory,
One that only, exists in my dreams.
I don't know what hurts you,
But i can feel it too.
And i just hurts so much,
To know that i can't do a thing.
And deep down in my heart,
Somehow i just know,
That no matter what,
I'll always love you.
SO WHY AM I STILL HERE IN THE RAIN...?