O.N.L.Y

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-xoxo;;HUILING.ﺕ

14 this year, not any older
'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' on 28 Jan.
Proud to be Aquarius.
Unavailable | Single
Adore my *chocolates.
Simply live in Singapore.
Officially in Telok Kurau PS | Bedok Green SS


A.G.R.E.E.D

Adore everyone! ♥
Hey peeps, don't judge.
Know me deeper, through your heart.
Understand me deeper, even if I'm complicated.
And here you go, my hugs! ♥
Signed by:HUILING.ﺕ


L.O.V.E-A.B.L.E

- Bae Yong Joon
- B2st
- FRH
- Pi Li MIT | The Legend
- BGSS-1E1♥


H.A.T.E-A.B.L.E

- Backstabbers
- Betrayers
- Secret Leakers
- Judging


P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E

- Top in level '11
- Top 10% in O level
- New handphone
- Headphone
- New earphone


B.I.N.D.E.D

Andrea♀@dusktillsummer.bs.com
Angeline♀@angeline-s-heart.bs.com
Charmin♀@hearts-heart-heartsbreak.bs.com
ChiaYing♀@jiayinglove-you.blogspot.bs.com
Darien♂@blah-darien-blah.blogspot.bs.com
Estee♀@lingxz.blogspot.bs.com
Iris♀@im-away-from-you.bs.com
Jamie♀@dear-dumbdiary.bs.com
Jared♂@hopelessevil.bs.com
JinRui♂@crazily-crazy-jr.bs.com
QingHai♂@wadslife--agame.bs.com
Sarah♀@sarahbella97.bs.com
Sebastian♂@seb10bball.bs.com
Sheree♀@greenapple-candylollipop.bs.com
WanTing♀@l-ostallcontrol.bs.com
YuanQi♀@ucha-sucka.bs.com


S.C.A.R

Are you sure you want to turn back the time and read about my past? Think twice before you do.

September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011



C.A.R.V.E.D


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T.H.A.N.K.S

Petrina
@Waybacktlove

Monday, September 27, 2010
I'm not afraid because there's rain.

OUR CLASS TEE ! ~ Lol, we wore them today! I meant, my class. (Y) But sad thing is that, my shirt too big! My 'S' is like... for chia ying wear one. :( Aww.. ugly. For me. Too large! Nvm, i must grow faster then. Hahas. Oh, as you guys know.. mrs tang is SO SO into green, and she really said something silly.

Mrs Tang : Blue arh? Why not green? Who decide on blue? Nvm, next year must take green.
Yuan Qi : Erm... this is for both '10 & '11.
Mrs Tang : Really arh? Oh.....
Yuan Qi / Lixin / Angeline / Me : [LAUGH!!!!!!!] :D

ROFL. Well, lixin, audrey and i kinda more and more like mrs tang. Erm, actually she's not a bad one. And she's very funny during science lesson. We began to enjoy more in her lesson. HAHA! Ok, after all, today wasn't a bad day. After recess, angeline gave us (lixin, audrey, jia wen and i. Of course, she have one for herself) each a care bear!! ♥ it ttm!! (: thank you, my dear! Today got no guzheng, so went back home early. Was very hungry after school, and bought some biscuits to eat. But halfway to the bus stop, it rained! Hahaha, we've got no umbrella, only audrey have. You know, i don't seem to be able to run with my bag. Zzt. Then nerissa came and shared the umbrella with me. Thank you. (: But in the end still got drenched. But i love the feeling. I touched the rain with my hands. I felt the rain with my face. I ♥ you ; the rain. Haha, i really love rain. It's cold, yet cooling.

You seemed not to be aware of anything under the rain, when the rain drops cover everything for you, be it tears or anything.





55 more days... 54 more days... 53 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Friday, September 24, 2010
Trying hurts.

Without elaboration, i just wanted to say something. Now, do you know which word can actually cover up everything? It's : never mind. I'm using that word... every time i felt angry or hurt. Because, i can cover up my feelings using that word, so as to not hurt back others and further hurt myself. Things are going from bad to worst, worst to...... hopeless. Things eventually become hopeless although i wish they could turn out to be pleasant ones. Even though i'm tired of trying... this time round i really have to give it all.

>The person who wants to avoid me: Yes, i wanted to become friends like how we were in the past. I wanted to make things different. I wanted to change your perspective of me. But your : it makes me feel that you're not worthy , really sucks. Yes, i cannot say anything and i did want to. I promised that i wouldn't say you're blunt again. At the same time, i promised myself to become a better person that can really "suits as your friend". For the sake of this friendship, i've done so much. How about you? You know that the previous situation is your fault, so you wanted to avoid me. Do you know that it's because of your emoing face that made me feel so guilty? So now, you chose to avoid ME. Well, so.be.it. I'm really tired of trying, when i have no idea how to try. But in order to keep this friendship, i'm willing to.... hurt myself again. Today.. even those words you say.. pricked me. This is the first time, i did not want to say anything about it. Now i really wonder.... what's friendship.
......




57 more days... 56 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010
What's with the friendship?

MID-AUTUMNS DAY! Hahaha.... happy mid-autumn to all!!~
I'll drag this post, alright? Cos i think i've got lots and lots to say. (: OHMYGOSH, you know what... the parade square is full of red ants! And that's where my class always sits. LOL?! The ants are attacking us like what during morning assembly. We can't really have a peace of mind when we sit down. Haha. CT, i know i lost 1 mark alr. :(
Next was PE. Was very angry with myself. Nvm... 以笑带过. So, finally finish the 2nd portion of the PE assessment. During recess... HAHAHA, we're being somehow............................................... (omg, angeline and jia wen, we're not gonna say it, yea? Muahaha.). After recess is science. Topic on science for today : SEXUAL REPRODUCTION. Mrs tang was like.. : "I know this is all of your favourite topic." Zzt.. -.- For the GUYS only, please. Then she was going through things about puberty. And suddenly talked about Adam's apple.

Today

Mr Tang : You know, the guys have this Adam's apple and............
Zhi Wei : OMG, i'm growing APPLES!!

Yesterday

Ms Yati : Eh, no.. rewind, rewind................................................................... (talking about summary)
Zhi Wei : Fast forward! ~~~
Ms Yati : Wow, zhi wei.. very clever huh, fast forward eh (SHE WAS LAUGHING! :D).

HAHAHAHAHA!! Lixin and i were like... laughing all the way! He become damn joke in class. (Y) :D And i just noticed that lixin got high today... during science. And i also realized something today, that someone is being a............. ERHEM!!! You know... i don't want to mention it here. (:
That stupid person... is trying to disrupt US. Whenever i wants to....... *do something (rephrasing it. I know this person's gonna read my blog. :]).... this particular person will try to take the chance and "stand before me". OKOK, i know you guys won't know what i'm talking about. But so long as THAT PERSON knows what he/she is doing and knows what i'm talking about. More importantly, KNOWS WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT. I won't mind, because i don't care. WON'T EVEN BOTHER ABOUT THIS TYPE OF PERSON. I JUST FIND IT WASTEFUL TO HAVE THIS PERSON ON EARTH. CAN'T THIS PERSON JUST GO TO SOME OTHER PLANETS? THAT'LL BE AWESOME! (Y) Anyway... (let's not talk about this PERSON)... it's a funny day today. Ok, now, back to morning. Saw zhong zhe on bus. He's emoing. Wei lun knows that HE.IS.EMOING as well. We (wei lun and i) were texting each other just now....

Wei Lun : Lol, i come up bus, you are the first person i saw then i saw zhong zhe.

Me : Haha. He emo or what sia...? Nvm...

Wei Lun : Lol, ya. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN HIM BEING SO EMO. (I caps it) You ok or not? Smile la. :-)

Me : I can be ok. But if he not ok then i feel... very guilty. And i don't angry for long. That's either my weakness or what, idk. Maybe i'm seriously very harsh to him yesterday.

Wei Lun : No la, is not weakness, it's good, you got a good heart cos you got compassion, :-) If you think it's wrong, say sorry to him. Zhong zhe is not fierce de.

Me : That time we got quarrel before, when i got stuck between him and my friend. It's not my fault but i apologized to him. I alr took initiative. Why am i always the one apologizing? Haiz... let me think first, what's exactly wrong...

Now everything becomes my fault again. But really, saw him on bus this morning.... that emo face, seriously, i feel damn freaking guilty. Last time... when we quarreled, he can still laugh a lot. Now, it's totally different. Maybe an apology can "bring him back to life" again. -.- BUT WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE APOLOGIZING????? :(
But if you know that you're gonna say sorry to someone... why would you even say something that offends/hurts/angers him in the first place? But, but... i cannot say that too. Because.... when you're in an "abnormal" situation, you won't know what exactly you've done and regretted it after wards. I only know that... if you really want back the friendship, you'll have to take initiative, even if YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WHO IS IN WRONG. Like me... i'll have to really really SAY SORRY. :(
I don't want to make things worst sia. WTH, BLAME ON MYSELF! SUCH A USELESS PERSON WHO WILL ONLY HURT PEOPLE. I REALLY SUCK. I CAN'T BLAME ANYONE.
.............




58 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I'm bleeding...

Such an awful day!! Last night slept less than 5 hours. Cos got... gastric. And it's really damn pain. Put twice oilment and ate medicine. Haiz, pain... up till now, it still hurts a lot. :(
Feel really unwell and sleepy during lessons. But i'm trying to bear with the pain. I didn't know why, but i don't moan at home. Maybe there's no one who wants to hear me moan. HAHA. Anyway, today's lessons are kinda boring. I would make a quick one here, cos i wants to study for science CT. Went hmt, and felt damn angry. I tried to calm down, and i did it. Not much anger was shown. Whatever, don't talk about that. Then we had a compo test. Not sure if i'll get good marks! Came back home... and fb. Saw zhong zhe's comment and everything. Then we chatted. Not really chatted. I felt worst after he told me some stupid stuffs. And that feeling is the one i got when i chatted with him on msn and he said that he doesn't trust me. We started off with the stupid topic... which i doesn't want to say.

Zhong zhe : ... you're not really a people person.

Me : What you talking about?

Zhong zhe : You.are really.not a people kind of person. Meaning, you don't communicate with people welly.

Me : Not i don't. Is they don't.

Zhong zhe : Haiz... stop thinking what i say is wrong.

Me : Oh okay.. fine, whatever you say is right, k?

Me : Can you seriously, for once.. not say things that can either hurt or anger people? ....

Zhong zhe : -.- If you want stubbon i want help also cannot help.

Me : I'm not being stubborn.

Zhong zhe : You say i hurt people?

Me : You go and see all you typed above.. almost all are negative things about me. *(i did not put)

Zhong zhe : You know? I am really sad that you don't understand and i really am angry right now. But, instead... i am slowly talking to you.

Me : I understand. But you're very blunt.

Zhong zhe : I try help you, you say i only say your bad things... and I am not really blunt. If you think i am then its your prob. If i am blunt you know what i will say stright in your face?

Me : Fine, thanks for your helping.

Zhong zhe : Lets not get there. You know what? You dont really understand people which is why i say you are not really a people person. If you think i said something BLUNT again, sorry.

Me : Eventually, i feel worst. Like that time we're on msn. The same feeling's back. So, i'm sorry i've ruined your night again. And so sorry that i even ruin MY night. Thanks for your helping and all.

Zhong zhe : I AM JUST STATING THE FACTS. TRY CHANGING THE RETARD BAD POINTS OF YOURSELF LA! I BLUNT? FINE LA. YOU GO ASK MY FRIENDS.

Me : I'm sorry for saying that!

Zhong zhe : Hais...

Me : Can? SORRY.

Zhong zhe : I dont need you say sorry la. You try changing yourself. It helps sometimes + i am sorry for being BLUNT.


You see how had the conversation went? I really tried my damn very best to keep my tears, REALLY. But i AM seriously being weak. AGAIN. But maybe.. maybe he was right all the while. Maybe the problem lies with me. Because he said the same thing too, that we cannot communicate well. 2 people said that to me... you look how serious the problem is? I alr got no idea how to speak to zhong zhe after that issue... and today... make it all worst. Guess we won't be able to get back like friends, like how we used to be.



59 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Monday, September 20, 2010
Overall

Saturday (18.09.10):

Title : I got my night screwed.

I told you guys before that i'm gonna study today, yea? But mom insist on going out. And she said that i have to go out as well. Wth... so then, i cannot do my homework. I have tons to do, please. Nvm, nvm... since i'm alr out, i shall enjoy myself! (: Ate mac for lunch then we went to tm. Shop a bit and bought my shirt. Then we went fairprice and bought lots of cooking ingredients. Lol... we went back at 6 30. Was discussing with audrey and angeline about the lit project on msn at 8pm. I need do work, so then i online. (: After 10pm, i...... cried. Because of that matter that happened yesterday. I talked to zhong zhe first. I just wanted to.. you know... sort things out. I apologized to him first, But he said i betrayed him, and that he had lost trust in me. I didn't cry at first. But as time goes by, as the conversation became longer, as his words grew more and more hurtful, i cried. I used 2 tissue papers. If you think it's like... damn serious, it IS VERY serious. What he says is just so damn hurtful. They hurt a lot. He said... it's easy to lost trust but difficult to gain back. If you're his friend and you're on msn at 10 15, you can see that he puts : It shows that you will betray me for another friend.
Well, i ended the conversation first, of course. After some time, he apologized. But he said he wouldn't take back those words he had said. He is a straight-forward person, i guess. But then... i alr calm down and said nvm. He was feeling very down at that point of time and 1 of the reasons is because of me. I'm so sorry. Really sorry. Frankly speaking, i don't know whether we will be awkward towards each other after this matter, and whether.... we'll still be friends like how we used to be. Everything seems so blur now. And i really don't know what else can i do. I only know... I got my night screwed.


62 more days...



Sunday (19.09.10):

Title : What is trust?

Lol, today got 2 people birthday. 1 of them is lixin and the other is jun rong. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BOTH OF YOU! [: Woke up at 10am this morning. Rather late, i know. But because of the terrible night last night, i couldn't sleep. I slept only after a long period of time. Went to bedok library to study with lixin at 12pm. But she cannot stay too long, so we study till 2pm. Audrey came to somehow fetch me to her house at that point of time for the lit project. I stayed till 6 30 and went off then. When i reached home, the first thing my mom does is scream at me. She asked me why did i switched off my phone and that she had called me twice but i did not answer. I told her i did not switch off my phone, neither did i receive any phone calls. If she doesn't believe, she can check my phone! Yes, indeed she doesn't trust me and insist that i did not obey her and switched off my phone. SHE DOESN'T TRUST ME! SHE DOUBT ME! So then we quarreled. I was being wronged and accused by her and you expect me to accept it? NO WAY! She had been accusing me for lots of times yet i didn't say or do anything. But today, she was really overboard. And, it seems that i created a havoc. I couldn't take it alr. I even swear that i did not switch off my phone. Instead, i left it switched on for the whole day. I'm not that kind who will switch off my phone as and when i like. My phone is 24 hours available. But, no one trust me, not even my dad. He said : "Whatever problems, you are the ONLY ONE at fault." FINE! I AM! OK?! Zhong zhe's matter is my fault, this also, happy?! People just don't trust me. Am i seriously a person who cannot gain trust? Maybe. But, i have to thank bro, for standing up for me. He helped me because he understands. Things still aren't solved yet and mom is still angry. Yes, i cried a lot. More than i'd expected. And it's all because of accusation. My conscious is clear, but people doubt it. Before i went to bathe, i cried. In the toilet, i cried more. Usually, i would stop crying when i was done bathing. But not this time. After bathing, i tried to stop, but tears just flow down as freely as they wanted to. I really couldn't control. No one knows, except him. I begged him to find something to cheer me up. At that point of time, i'm still crying. He called me. Actually i didn't want to pick up, because i'm crying. And i definitely doesn't want him to hear my crying voice. But then, i still talked to him. He asked me what happened and i also explained. He tried to calm me down and explained things to me. After that he said : "Smile. (: You have a nice smile. Show it. (:" And surprisingly, i really smiled. Haha, that method works. Thank you. :) Now... i feel that myself is so terrible, so weak. Haiz...



61 more days...



Today (20.09.10):

Title : They say what they think.

Monday, it's the start of a week. Again, many things are going to happen. For sure. Be it pleasant or unpleasant stuffs. But you know, i'll really try to go against all odds. To prove that i'm strong. I won't cry over things again. Try not to. Although crying is a normal form of expressing your feelings, it just makes me weaker. Anyway, lessons! :D Presented our lit project today. OH, didn't know it's that well done. Haha, also have to thanks audrey and angeline. Recess... only drank milo. For all lessons, i only look forward to science. LOL. All of a sudden, i wish to have science lesson everyday. After school, bought rice. Well, i got gastric. NEED TO EAT MORE FOOD THAT CONTAIN PROTEINS! Hahahas.... after lixin, angeline and i had our meal, we were laughing all the way. Funny lurh, duh. [: Then we went for cca at around 3 30. I had it till 6 30. On bus 228, saw lixin. Although we're standing beside each other, i have no idea why we were talking through sms. Well, people don't believe me. They won't ever believe. Both of them think that it's a _____. But it's not. Maybe their first impression on what i told them (if i were to tell) is this. Fine, i'll just let it be a _____, since all of you think so. Sian, now having stomache, suddenly! OMG... pain. :(



60 more days...


What is the secret to life?

Friday, September 17, 2010
That particular one.

First half of the day is screwed. Totally. Had assembly in class this morning. Directly after assembly, we went to physics lab for science. At there, we did experiments. Kinda pissed off. Don't ask why. During english period, ms yati never come and i did nothing on the worksheet given. LOL! Chatted with lixin instead. And we were talking about zhong zhe.

Me : Zhi Wei, you know zhong zhe right?
Zhi Wei : Erm.. ya.
Lixin : Then i ask you arh, he got gf?
Me : (WTH, LIXIN! YOU ASK HIM?!)
Zhi Wei : Err... haha, idk.
Lixin : Oh okay....
Me : DIAO! -.-

She dare to ask about that sia. Wth... and then i was smsing zhong zhe. But in the end, we quarreled. I hate to elaborate this, but... it''s like... definitely NOT MY FAULT?! But he kinda.. push all the blame to me. Wtf.. i was in a difficult position and he never put himself in my shoes to understand my situation. Fine la... he told me not to talk to him. And i didn't. Idk what's wrong, really. Every time i have to bear the responsibility and it's always, whenever i'm stuck in between 2 friends. Even though it ISN'T MY FAULT! Ok, i'm not gotta let that thing ruin my mood. PROCEED --> had CLASS after recess. And because it's directly after recess, i'm kinda.. PISSED and emoing because of that matter. Wrote the reflection like... so long?! -.- In the end, explained a little to lixin. Next, walking down to canteen for lunch. On the way there, saw andy and jj. JJ called my name, but i ran! HAHA.. he ask me why all lower sec girls see him must run away. ROFL. And lixin told me something again. At the table, audrey told us some funny things and we like... LMAO?! Hahaas... my whole face went red. Idk why, but i cannot laugh too much or else my face will seriously become damn red. After school, lixin, audrey and i went to bedok interchange to buy bubble tea. But angeline went home. Lol, lixin tell us to "escort" her all the way from the bubble tea shop to bedok interchange. And we have to walk back again because we going angeline's house for lit project. On the way, was chatting with audrey and was quite fun. At angeline's house.. we were doing work very seriously at first. But as time goes by, our laughter become more and more, louder and louder. At about 5pm... audrey and i started to talk about relationships, heartbroken stuffs, stupid and idiot stuffs and also about someone. And i got a tip from her. Whether i'm gonna use that tip or not, depends on something/someone. Angeline sat at the side, listening and sometimes, joining in our conversation. Of course, we laughed damn lots and i'm afraid i might have nightmare tonight. Better not. Because.. i rather dream of something. Well, it's really true that Aquarius can't stop thinking about things. For every seconds, every minute... my mind is always occupied with something. Anything, sometimes... everything. Really, i cannot stop to not think of things. Things are like... friends, families, whatever.... A LOT. Hahaha, but like this... i don't have to scared that my brain will be dead. (Y) Yesterday night read about the 8th zodiac sign - Scorpio. I felt that the description really fits that person. Well, you'll be updated later, you can see the description as you scroll down. Okok, at 6pm, audrey and i went back home. Still kinda chatting with angeline through sms. Back home, received his message. HAHA, i think he hyper today (his fb comments and the message he sent, haha) but he said he's tired. -.- And he says i'm mood swing kind. Yea, i AM. Hehehe... Just now, was chatting with jj. Mostly about.. PIANO! He loves piano. And i actually promised him to play piano for him to listen. LOL!
Scorpio:

Magnetic, elusive, sexy and determined. That’s you Scorpio! You were born under the eighth sign of the zodiac which is referred to by astrologers as a fixed water (ice) sign. In a lot of ways ice sums up your emotional character. But why is this, when you have fiery and warlike Mars ruling you?

Your star sign is probably one of the most misunderstood signs of the zodiac. It has had a pretty bad rap over the years, but that’s just because what people don’t understand, they tend to fear. That cool aloofness is just the surface of your complex nature, and is by no means bad. Below the surface of your cool exterior is a scorching and passionate fire. You know it and others sense it too.

You’re an emotional being, and you take it to the limits. In fact you need overkill to feel really alive. You also want approval, though you don’t often verbalize that. You give 100 per cent of yourself to those you love, and expect the same, if not more, in return. There are definitely no half measures in your attitude to love.

You are demanding of yourself and others, but when you give your heart to someone you’re very loyal. You are committed to anything you do, including relationships — you absolutely adore the idea of love. It’s a challenge that excites you.

You turn heads whenever you walk into a room — you are the strong, silent type, and you have a magnetic aura. You have something that’s hard to put your finger on but makes it nearly impossible for people to ignore you. You know full well that you can manipulate people, and you love it! This magnetic power is really your greatest strength.

It’s well known astrologically that the eyes of a Scorpio can hypnotize. Whether you know it or not, this is your most powerful physical trait. Often people will often say that you have amazing eyes. So even though you don’t always articulate your feelings, your eyes do plenty of communicating for you — they can express the full range of your emotional states.

Determination is another of your key characteristics. People can see you as insensitive to others’ needs, even obsessive, because you push forward so single-mindedly. There are no half-measures in your life — in friendship, love, family life or work. You want to be the best, and you won’t let anything stand in the way.
But on the plus side, you like to share your successes with the people you take under your wing, whether they’re family or friends.

You’re not afraid of obstacles or challenges, whether they are something unavoidable or foes or competitors. In fact, you thrive on them — you love trying to prove that no one can stop you.

If someone tries to corner you or put you in a difficult situation, they’d better be prepared to give it their best shot, because you won’t give in until you win, and your enemy is totally crushed in body, mind and spirit.

If that ruthless streak in your character can’t be satisfied straight away, you’ll wait, patiently, until the proper time to seek revenge. Time is of no consequence to you when it comes to wreaking vengeance.

Whether you’re fulfilling your sensual appetites or your more noble aspirations, pleasure will always be a focus for you. You want it all. You are not afraid of the dark side, even though you seek the light. This is why Scorpio has three totems — the scorpion, the lizard and the phoenix.

The scorpion is the most vengeful and dangerous part of your nature. If you’re operating on that level, you’ll be constantly seeking to hurt others with your power. This is, of course, something to avoid.

The lizard represents the class of scorpions who hide from life and never quite achieve the full measure of their power. They sometimes seek self-destructive outlets such as drugs or even criminal activities to satisfy their obsessive nature.

If you aspire to the best that Scorpio has to offer, you’ll be the phoenix, which rises out of the ashes. This transformative totem indicates that you have to burn your lower nature to allow the most splendid parts of your nature to live and grow. Fortunately, most Scorpios lean towards the phoenix.

In appearance you will be well proportioned, strong in body, muscular, and with a broad face and a commanding look. Your eyes, as already mentioned, are your strong point.

You are a tireless worker and generally achieve great success after the middle part of life.

The life of a Scorpio is challenging, but there’ll never be a dull moment.





63 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Thursday, September 16, 2010
I am the only me.

This is me and this is who i am.

Aquarius:

You were fortunate enough to be born under the humanitarian zodiac sign of Aquarius. You are therefore ruled by electric and progressive Uranus making you forward thinking and self-directed. You’re a born revolutionary so no one can tell you how to live your life. Your clear-cut approach makes it perfectly clear just how differently you wish to experience life.

You just don’t want to be like others and take pride in the fact that you’re so unique. Even if you’re occasionally criticized for your cheeky attitude, you’d far prefer to be self-sufficient rather than being a sheep in society who follows everyone else’s lead.

You are a zesty individual, having tremendous amounts of energy. You are determined and forceful in how you deal with people. You want to express your ground-breaking spirit in everything you do but unfortunately you won’t always able to break free of the limits that are imposed upon you. Some Aquarians learn through their family life that before you can be the master of your own destiny, you have to serve. In some extreme cases Aquarians are controlled and dominated by others throughout the formative period of their lives which is why it’s so difficult for them to submit to others.

If you’re not able to live your life on your own terms, you’ll dream and aspire to a future time when you can fulfil your destiny to the fullest in exactly the way you want. You have very inspirational views of the world and even if your opinions are too different, you’ll always be respected for speaking your mind honestly.

You share your zodiac sign with many other grand personalities. Like them you are attracted to social issues. You like to be involved in groups and organizations that make a difference in society. Even in the smallest of ways, you will try to make some difference in this world. If you look at Aquarians like Oprah Winfrey, Boris Yeltsin and entertainers like Peter Gabriel and John Travolta, they are deeply interested in changing the awareness of people to make the world a better place.

Because you have great organizational and communication skills you work really well with others. You have your own ideas and solutions to problems. Others are surprised at your quirky approach and how you resolve these issues.

You’re investigative, curious and extremely active mentally. Your thinking mind rarely, if ever, stops. You need to learn when to shut down as your brain can become overactive, especially at night.

Communication is your specialty and you relate well to the world. You will continue to enlarge your active personality so don’t try to suppress your true character – just express it prudently. You’re vigorous in the way you present your ideas so there’s never a dull moment around you. There’s often someone who wants to challenge you, especially if they happen to have a much more conventional way of doing things. You’ll be more than happy to challenge that taking great pleasure in proving them wrong.

Uranus, your planetary ruler, is abrupt and breathtaking by nature and will fill your life with plenty of unanticipated surprises - good and not so good. You like it like this and the unexpected is something you thrive upon! Even if you have a stable home or work situation you like to shake things up from time to time to keep everyone on their toes. Still, you’re very loyal when it comes to your most personal relationships.

You like to create a comfortable environment in which to live. Venus influences your domestic sphere so you have a flair for design and colour. Your surroundings mirror your unique character. Others are amazed at the way you decorate your home. There’ll be nothing ordinary about it, that’s for sure.

Your far-reaching attitudes overwhelm your friends sometimes and they sometimes refer to you as harmlessly “mad”. Salvador Dali the famous painter once remarked about himself - "The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad!" Even if he wasn't an Aquarius - this sums you up perfectly.

You embrace anything technological as Aquarius governs modern appliances. You are inventive and research orientated and certainly aren't a technophobe. If you’re an Aquarian male, some may even call you the “gadget man”. You like to be up to date with the latest and greatest handheld devices, computers and other audio or visual entertainment equipment.

You find it difficult to uphold relationships with those who aren’t prepared to evolve in the same way as yourself. Due to this you’ll be continually re-inventing yourself, trying to stimulate your friends to be better. Your rigid opinions bring you into disagreement with others. One of the laws of power suggests that you must act like others, but don’t always openly air your thoughts. It’s a good idea for you to keep some of their sweeping ideals tucked away until you test the water first.

There’s a universal quality about you. Although you appear aloof and detached you're inwardly sensitive and caring. You prefer to associate with people who share the same diverse views on life. Your life will almost certainly never be drab. You are able to embrace anything new including music and fashion. This is why you’ll always be young at heart.




64 more days...
What is the secret to life?

I wanted at least some, not none.

Today i've like.. got nothing to blog about. Or is it that i forgot what exactly happened today? Can't really recall everything. Well, people give you hope and also.. disappointment at times. One shouldn't place too much hope on something, in case everything turns out to be a disappointment and you'll end up hurting yourself. A piece of advise for people reading this. Just now took the 'Love Test' and it says.... : In a relationship you give 100% and expect 0% in return. Is it really like this? Give it full but wanted zero back? Omg, this is ridiculous. Nobody will wish to have zero back. At least some.. or little, but why... zero?? This test is terribly wrong. I hate this test right NOW.

Okay, planned to really study on this coming saturday and sunday. At home, duh. And so, no more fbing and everything that's related COMPUTER. Shut it, comp. Lol. Anyway... exams are coming and i don't want to get influenced by comp. Never. Studying is like.. the best thing to cure your stupidity and stupid thoughts and everything you want to cast aside. So, if any of you caught me onlining (fb, msn, games or doing whatever! But if got comp homework, then no choice, i'll have to get this comp started up) on this coming saturday and sunday, do whatever you want to me on monday. I'll let you guys take the choice (OHMYGOSH, what if they demands some unreasonable shit?!).





64 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010
It's you;16

My mom accuse me again. But i don't bother to explain. Yes, sometimes.. one can just be tired of explaining. I should really get use to this kind of thing. Nvm, let's not say about that. Haha.. today was a mad day after all. Laughed a lot with angeline, jia wen and audrey (well, lixin.. your laughter KILLS!). Seriously, we ARE mad during recess. HAHAHA..! Such a nice day. Today is... awesome (YEAH!). After maths lesson is really retarded. Hmm, i do love maths. A lot.. but it IS complicated. I got the correct answer but was not really sure if my working's right. Asked mdm liza after maths lesson and she was explaining all the while BUT I DON'T GET A SINGLE THING AT ALL (DID.I.REALLY.GET.STUPIDER.? OMG!)!! Lols, eventually, i told her i get it alr. But back to class, i'm still 65% blurred. Can someone just explain to me? :(
MATHS!! Stop killing me with your problems! :x LOL! During science lesson, lixin told me something. Yeah, funny lurh, duh. But she seems reluctant to do what he told her to do. -.- She told me : "FOR WHAT?" Diao.. how would i know?? And after school she was like.. :

Lixin : Don't tell him you know me kays?
Me : O.O? Zzt... but why would he even ask me whether i know how you look like?
Lixin : Err.. you know, when he ask you about me, tell him you don't know who's the person. Keep denying lurh.
Me : On the first day when he gets to know you, i alr say you're MY FRIEND, mdm! -.-
Lixin : OH... aiya, just don't tell him how i look like. (:
Me : I doubt he will even ask me? Zzt..!

Lixin, audrey, andrea and i went library at 3 10. Guai kia, haha.. as if! But we each borrowed at least a book. Then we went for cca. Andrea and i went parade square cos MRL is not open yet. Join xin ya and a girl (i've been asking her name but she keep joking! LOL!). They ARE gossiping, don't include andrea and i, k? ;)
We sit down, looking at jj, jere, regin (and blablabla) play bb. Haha, cool. Then we went upstairs at 4pm. Guzheng today was boring. Went back home, was reading my new borrowed book: Permanent Rose by Hilary McKay. It's very nice.

It seemed long to her. The holidays had passed in a blur of heat and waiting. His absence haunted her. In town, she would catch glimpses of someone with a walk like his, and for a moment be certain that he was back. At night, she often dreamed of him, stifling nightmares of non-communication. Two or three times she struggled right out of these dreams and down the stairs to the kitchen, convinced she had heard the telephone ring. The nightmares eventually stopped but her waiting did not stop. She still jumped every time the telephone rang, or when she saw a familiar gray jacket in the street. "Do you know how long he has been gone now?", she asked. "It must be more than five weeks." the other replied. "It has been five weeks, two days and about eleven hours." she confirmed. At the sound of the door bell, she jumped. Something inside her lifted, and then dropped a little too far. As if her heart had unexpectedly missed a step on a stairway. She rushed to the door and dragged it open. She hoped it was him. But, it wasn't.

It really takes one's effort and courage to keep waiting and hoping that he/she would just return....

My mind is just like a tap. Whenever the "tap" is turned on, be it by any conversation about him or news about him..
i can't stop thinking, like the water, rushing out of the tap. Whole train of thoughts just followed and no matter how hard i tried not to think, how hard i tried not to care, the thoughts just couldn't get away. From my MIND. And, whenever the number, 16 appear at anywhere, it's no doubt that what comes to my mind is... that is the date which everything starts.




1 month 30 days _ 65 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010
What if i stops the time?

OMG, today thought i was going to be dead cos i forgot to bring my geog file! My worksheet (homework!) is inside sia. LOL, in the end i was perfectly fine. Stand behind class , stand outside class. (Y) Right, morning, darren was sitting behind me in bus with his friend. He still don't know me. And i didn't say hi to him. HAHA. -.-"
Finally, mdm liza is back to school today. Miss her and her maths lesson LOTS! She will have to chiong teaching maths alr. Cos we've got 2 topics more to cover. And EOY's coming soon. MATHS~FTW! English lesson, ms yati was rather good at "creating" jokes. Lol. We laughed a lot. But i'll have to really buck up in my compre and summary. Or else i shall prepare to be retained next year. Hahas, wish myself GREAT luck. :D Slept during chinese lesson (second period. Don't say i slack! I HMT, ok.). Actually i didn't sleep. I've been thinking through many things. After hmt lesson, iris and yan shan told me lots of cold jokes. Goosebumps! Haha.. they're really good at that. Now, come to think of everything, time really flies. In a blink of an eye, everything seems to be over. EOY (29 more days) coming soon, revision comes before that. Sec 1 life's gonna end soon. Some of our classmates might be separated from us, and go to different class next year. Sec 4 seniors will be taking their O level exams in 41 days' time. They're graduating soon. Sec 2 seniors are going to be sec 3. Sec 3 seniors are going to be sec 4. We'll be older by a year again (more mature?), after this year. More and more teachers are getting pregnant. Soon, babies will be born. Soon after time, i'll have to give up on that. Because we can no longer stay the same. Memories are still MEMORIES, although they're once reality. That'll be one of the thing i'll be reminding myself with after this year. Not exactly, it's just after 66 more days. HAHA, i'll just have to accept the fact that i'm only destined to "be friends" with him for 4 months and 3 days. Wow, that's like.. pretty short period of time? LOL. Actually, i even thought of giving up RIGHT NOW. But it's definitely not a good decision. Because i never tried, and i felt guilty for that. But how can i try?? There's like... no way i can? I'm becoming to more and more love heaven;god. It's the person/thing i can trust now. I'm becoming to more and more believe that heaven & god are always BY.MY/YOUR.SIDE. (:
Hey, don't get the wrong idea, peeps! I'm NOT emoing, ok! I just feel very wasteful that time flies and that we're getting on different paths. Haha, be it different paths or anything, life still must go on. LOL, andy influenced me!! :P
Just now was chatting with 2nd kor and mei. Told them i should actually swear to NOT LOVE again. Hahahaha!!~
But i won't swear! Diao.. i think i got 2nd kor angry. He's been emoing after mei left the conversation. Aww.. :( So sorry! .__.
Now, i was thinking of whether i should give the birthday boy (not today!!) a present...




1 month 29 days _ 66 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Monday, September 13, 2010
Maybe it is a mistake.

First day of school is fun. But now i'm really tired. Tired of everything. Tired after such a long day today. Tired of..... anything. Don't wish to continue. Don't know why, like so emo all of a sudden. Well, part of it is that my mom keep picking on me, going against me. Accuse me, whatever! Anyway, let's just end it here.




1 month 28 days _ 67 more days...


Not even sure whether should still continue counting down. It's just waste of effort, i guess? Cos in the end, it won't be like how i wished it would be. And i can't put in effort. This time round, i'm really wrong to have _____________________. Like what he said, there's so many ___________________________.
What is the secret to life?

Sunday, September 12, 2010
Heaven;Hope

Omg, first time of all, maths is killing me. :( I don't know how do 4 questions in the worksheet sia. Ergh, what happen to my maths? No no, must buck up alr! :( Need spend time revising work liao, exam coming soon worh. Yesterday night, i rewatch 'The Legend'. Haha.. it's my favourite korean drama (err, not really a drama. LOL, no idea how to say). It's really awesome. Btw, i think FRH has a new album alr (??)!! Went to see the mv and it's cool (the mv is. But the song.. not that nice)! (:


Sorry for the lousy quality. And, and... i can't find one that is with english subtitle sia. :(
Btw, you can watch the SHOW in youtube or mysoju. Lalala.. :D
Well, this show gives me a sense of hope: Even if everyone is against you (be it misunderstanding caused by rumors or lies, jealousy or whatever), the heaven is always there, by your side (provided you're a real good person). The heaven's will and it's blessings. (:



:) 亚纶 still rock more! LOL~




1 month 27 days _ 68 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Saturday, September 11, 2010
Hey, get over with it asap.

Oh my gosh.. went tm today. HAHA. Bought a hair band and it looks great on me, (Y) but it's like.. super expensive? Ok, it's nice. But costs $3.90. How can that be? :(
Zzt.. i'm crazy --> i kept "hearing" someone calling me. Hallucination, maybe? -.-
Ok, anyway.. had a lot fun today. Bought tons of things. LOLS, saw wei lun (and his mom + sis) in tm 1. He didn't see me! I thought he did! Haha.. diao. Then when going home, saw jia ying, yifa and deion. Jia ying is pretty seh! Haha.. cute. O.O
Now finally he knows everything le. Hmm, people must console him bahs. Jiayou, don't be too upset le. (:
Haiz, tired. Now need go le, byebye!




1 month 26 days _ 69 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Friday, September 10, 2010
New blogskin.

Haha, got my blog skin changed! Lol.. feel kinda dark here now. Took quite a long time to finish it. Aww.. tired. Lol.. i gtg. -.-



1 month 25 days _ 70 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Thursday, September 09, 2010
Complicated.

Now....
I'm sorry for giving him that stupid letter, OK?
Sorry for making things worst (if it's really THAT BAD!), OK?
Sorry for INTERFERING too much of your problem, OK?
Sorry for the previous thing i blogged about, OK?
I just want to say... maybe i didn't KNOW how to talk. Or maybe.. it's you who didn't know what i meant. OKOK, i'm just gonna wash my hands off your matter. And forget it, stop talking about it!!



1 month 24 days _ 71 more days...

What is the secret to life?

Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Please just keep this relationship

Today is complicated. I meant now... cos still discussing with wan ting. Haiz.. i think this time round i really DID my damn very best. (:
And today nothing really happened, so i'm not gonna continue.




1 month 23 days _ 72 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Don't regret...



我想说, 请好好珍惜现在有的时间和一切。不要在你我突然消失的时候才来后悔。




1 month 22 days _ 73 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Now i hate this dream.

Now i really find it very frustrating to keep having the same dream (erm, not the same dream, but the same person is always there. -.-) EVERY NIGHT! What's this? Ergh! But i don't know why.. i actually wished to continue dreaming about that dream whenever i woke up from it. WEIRD! Right, i'm weird! ==
Not only that.. today when i woke up, i emo-ed. Zzt. No reason, duh. I kept so quiet and started to turn on my phone's song. Well, maybe.. there's a reason. I felt really bad last night to not accept the THING. But i really feels that, we should start off from places and people we KNOW, and.. kinda CLOSE to. Nvm, nvm....... FORGET IT! O.O
Alright, there's still one more --> every morning i woke up, the same thing appeared in my mind. I think i'm seriously "sick". I need some.. brain medicine! Cure me please, and let me stop thinking about that! :((
Aww.. now feel so cold, my hands and feet! What the.. by the way, today got e learning. Well, planned to do it after i fb-ed and blogged. (Y) Today have to download songs for lixin. I just need things, works, chores or whatever (!!!!) to distract me, k? Hahahs... ok, LAUGH! Eek.. i think i'm really weird today. Hahahas, okok, return back to normal, k? :D


Hmm... suddenly felt that, i shouldn't have told you that in the first place. HAIZ!!!!! ...




1 month 22 days _ 73 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Monday, September 06, 2010
Jiayou, peepz!

Finally finished my.. my science notes and, and... my EL summary! (Y) Now can fb and here i am, blogging. OK, enough craps, haha. Lols, yesterday night... i dreamed of 2 very very very weird dreams, which the first one... i hope it won't happen. The second one... i hope it will come true, but i doubt so. Nvm, it's alright.. (:
I just briefly say what they are. First one... i dreamed of 1st kor.. being very emo. Err... because of something. OK, END HERE, PLEASE. :(
Second one... i dreamed of HIM.. sms me something. Hahas... gonna end here too. Sorry to make you guys so curious yet i... never finish saying. HAHAHAHA!! XD
Well, this morning, heard that today is 'N' level exam. Hahas.. good luck to ALL of them!! Jiayou horhs!












1 month 21 days _ 74 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Sunday, September 05, 2010
Friends... awesome.

Ergh, sprained my leg just now. Help mama do chores then fall from the chair. Pain sia.. :(
Anyway, today is 'CHORES DAY!". Haha.. did a lot of chores. Now i realized something: family is really NOT the best. Today, i sensed that something's gonna happen. Cos.. my right eyelid keep "jumping". Indeed, something happened. Haiz.... don't wanna talk about it. Just that, friends.... are really good, but provided they're REAL good. They're always the first to be by your side when you're down. First to know what happened to you. First to be the ones you can talk to. First to be supporting and encouraging you in whatever decisions you make. First to know your sorrowfulness. Well, too much they can do for you that you'll never be able to repay them. Really, friends are always the best, the ones who cannot be replaced with some other things or people. Haha, today's not gonna emo, i promise, k? (:
Nvm, today nothing really happened. Haiz... suddenly feel that i really need him. HAHA, lols.
>Andy: Hahas.. i like your: 'no matter what, life must go on...' (: thanks, ya? :D

Ok, i like this video. Kinda... romantic and touching. (Y)



Quoted: the end draws near... so close yet so far.




1 month 20 days _ 75 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Saturday, September 04, 2010
Thank you for everything.

Woke up at 8 45 today. Yay, piano exam over, now.. "new" piano lesson liao. Haha... hmm, need to thanks 1st kor. Because... he showed me the videos of different songs (piano). And i became very enthu about playing the songs. I'm becoming to more and more like piano le...? :)

From morning, was chatting with him. Told him a whole lots of things. Haha, didn't expect myself to tell him that too. So surprising. After piano lesson, was chatting with both him and lixin. Told lixin all the things as well. Today, i've got really a lot of information about him. He told me.. (Y)

>Lixin: Now.. i'm really serious about it, not anymore of maybe or think. First time after so long, the feeling's back. And i can confirm. (:
Even if he doesn't repay me back, it's alright. Like what people always say: don't cry because it's over;smile because it happened. Now, in my situation: don't cry because it's not yours;smile because it's others. Haha, idk what i'm talking about. Anyway, i'm really very happy already. At least i let him know. At least... he's not bothered by it. Instead, i have to thank him for everything. I really cherished these... 1 month 19 days (so far) a lot. Very much. From the day i know him till now... it's awesome. Although it's just a short period of time, it's worthy. No one has let me find this feeling back. After these... 6 months, he's the first. Indeed, he made me "suffer" a little... but that's how i managed to get through it. And that... i have the courage now. (:

Well, music time! Hahas... enjoy! ~ ^.*

















Btw, counting down: 76 more days before we won't be able to see each other again... until you come back school to help... it's rather heartbreaking by counting down. But... i hope i'll be mentally prepared......



1 month 19 days _ 76 more days...
What is the secret to life?

Friday, September 03, 2010
Now he does it...

Lixin: "But you didn't approach him, did you?"

Frankly speaking, i've been strucked by this sentence lixin asked me. Now recalling it, i really didn't make the first move to approach him and i always kinda... blame him for not talking to me? Well, i'm really sorry now. But i guess... nothing's gonna change. I don't know how to approach him either. Nvm, i'm just gonna let things be the way they want to be.

Today:
Last day of school, everyone was so happy. Yet i don't like it. Hahas... Morning, ran with angeline (from parade sqaure, back to classroom, back to parade square -.-). Who's fault?! LOLS. And she kinda... pang seh me sia. She ran away herself when i told her to quit running. Assembly... not too bad. Awards. Mr Loh [♥], Mdm Seow [♥], Mdm Liza [♥], Mdm Tang [♥]. Haha... all my favourite teachers. Gratz anyway. Next is.. science. OMG, i have to quickly finish my science notes on the latest chapter! Monday never come school only, mrs tang teach so much liao. :(
Now have to chiong!~
Maths lesson, was planning to do science notes cos mdm liza never come today. And, i scared that when i started doing maths, i can't stop. Lols, i know it's exaggerating. But in the end still do maths worksheet. Assembly was kinda... boring. But omg, the teacher showed my suggestion to all the lower sec students sia. Luckily i didn't write name. But who cares and who knows?! (:
Went to bio lab straight after assembly cos need take back progress report. Truly said, i AM scared. Cos... i failed my latest EL CT. Haha, but when got back the result, all were so good. Main reason: ms yati never include the latest CT. (Y) no worries. But then, jia wen got some problems. Her results weren't the same as she calculated. Was helping her find ms joleen. 1. Went staff room, nobody pick up the phone. 2. Go general office ask whether ms joleen go home liao ma. 3. Ms tan say she at staff room. 4. Went back staff room to find, but still nobody pick up the phone. 5. Decided to ownself find. 6. Search every class at 2nd level. 7. No one, search 3rd level. 8. Nobody, search 4th floor. 9. Got ict lesson, no time left to find, so went for ict lesson. 10. Jia wen asked xin ran whether got see ms joleen, he say she left with her bag already. -.- really is WASTING our time. Diao. Ict lesson, kept laughing with audrey and adi. Lols, they damn joke. Finish ict, went home. Walked with lixin, angeline and jia wen. We 3 (exclude angeline) boarded the same bus and was telling lixin about who i was talking about (long story, SHH!). Reached home, put down bag and immediately went out with mom to settle some problems. Went to the place and we waited for 30 mins before the officer talks to us. Before that, felt like sleeping. Soon, received his message, asking about lixin. Haha... that part very funny and it's really long, so i don't feel like explaining. At about 7 40... went back home. On bus, was chatting with lixin on the phone about that matter above. Hahaas, we were really discussing who the "culprit" was, but came to no vial. Back home, told lixin to msn, fb or sms him. Indeed, she did. They were eventually chatting and explaining and i have to help her. Zzt.. -.-
After she went to sleep, i chatted with him. Fun. At about 1 20, i went to sleep but he's not back home yet. Lols, today was funny. Haha.. ^.^
What is the secret to life?

Thursday, September 02, 2010
Why am i so different?

Today is really.... complicated. Had sports fiesta. We won 1n1 in captain's ball but next round, lose to 1n2. Nvm, everybody did their best and surprisingly... we ARE VERY cooperative during the game. (Y) :D
But really.... it just takes ONE thing to destroy EVERYTHING. After the last match we played, i became damn... emo. Not because we lose the match, but because............. i saw a person whom i shouldn't have seen.


You keep telling me to leave you alone. And... i did like what you told me to. Leave you alone, don't bother or care about you. Fine, I DID WHAT YOU SAID! But... i felt so... different from others.

When you walk past, others can say "HI!", but i can't.

Others can talk to you, but i can't.
When you lost the game, others can console you, but i can't.
When you look at others, they can look back at you, smiling, but i can't.
Others can laugh with you, but i can't.
Others can look straight into your eyes, but i can't.
Others can call your name when they see you, but i can't.

Now... i cannot call you, cannot sms you, cannot comment on your fb post, cannot.... do anything. Why? Why is it that... others CAN and i CAN'T? I sat by the side... looking at you and that group of friends. They're not from your class. Sec 1s. They can talk to you like... you're their super good friend. But i can't. I kept looking and thinking... why is it that i'm so different from them when all of us are meant to be................................................ FRIENDS?
That day.. you apologized for hurting me. You said you didn't meant anything. But, your... "It's better to be like this since we can't communicate well." hurts me like... so deep? I didn't do anything... just trying to console you if you're emoing. Just trying to... give you courage or anything. But it's as if... you told me to "SHUT UP AND DON'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE!" You apologized for what you've said and told me that... i'm a good friend. But now, i really doubt it. I don't think......... you meant what you said: "You're a great friend." If i am great, like what you told me, i wouldn't have been left out. If you hate me or something, you can tell me. You don't have to be like this. Now... i'm so miserable. See you, cannot say hi. See you, must avoid looking into your eyes. When you walk past, i have to pretend i didn't see you. When i heard your voice, i have to pretend it was others'. How am i going to live through that? Ever since i know you... i've totally changed. You changed me! Now.. i'm kinda... afraid to see you. You asked me before: "Do i look fierce to you?" I told you NO. But now... if you were to ask me: "Do you feel afraid seeing me?", should i say yes? Well, my afraid wasn't that type of....... scared or whatever. It's just that... i cannot do anything even when i see you. So... i very scared i might just... broke down... like how i did today... when i reached home. I almost broke down in parade square. But.... so as to not disgust myself, i've been suppressing it. For long hours. When reached home, i really couldn't take it anymore. Lixin, i told you, didn't i? I told you... if i were to go home, emoing, i would break down. So... i did. After knowing you, you made me cried 4 times. I'm counting... how many times you're hurting me. Maybe.... i'm really incompatible to be your friend. I will really...... try to distance from you, since you find that it's BEST to be like this, maybe..?
.....................................................


Fellow friends, sorry for being so emotional nowadays. I'll try to be back to my usual self, ok?

Well, this is really meaningful:

I often close my eyes and i can see you smile.
You reach out for my hand and i'm woken from my dream.
Although your heart is mine, it's hollow inside.
I never had your love and i never will.
And every night, i lie awake,
Thinking maybe you love me like i've always loved you.
But how can you love me like i loved you,
When you can't even look me straight in my eyes.
I've never felt this way to be so in love,
To have someone there, yet feel so alone.
Aren't you supposed to be the one to wipe my tears,
The one to say that you would never leave.
The waters calm and still, my reflection is there.
I see you holding me but then you disappear.
All that is left of you is a memory,
One that only, exists in my dreams.
I don't know what hurts you,
But i can feel it too.
And i just hurts so much,
To know that i can't do a thing.
And deep down in my heart,
Somehow i just know,
That no matter what,
I'll always love you.
SO WHY AM I STILL HERE IN THE RAIN...?



What is the secret to life?

Wednesday, September 01, 2010
There's not gonna be you anymore...

Omg, why did i suddenly feel so heartbroken? It's all because of........................................ again. I really don't know anything. Now i think i have to really let it................. go. No point hanging on, no point answering to every of the questions silently, no point thinking, no point....... _____. I'll find one day and maybe...... delete everything. I hope i can. I really have to stop thinking already. Thanks to you, my heart have been tore apart..............





You leave me in hell.....
What is the secret to life?